Anxiety plays on your fear, fear of loosing loved ones, fear of what other people think, fear of potential dangers that are everywhere.
Anxiety will tell me that no where is safe, that I’m going to loose those I love and bad things are going to happen, it will tell me that people are talking about me and judging me everywhere I go, that they don’t reply to my messages or texts because I’ve done something terrible, it will tell me I’m blessed to have my children (which I am) but that I should be lucky they are alive, it will tell me that someone is going to break into my house at night and take them from me no matter how i try to protect them, it will not let me sleep. Im not able to watch the news because anxiety will tell me that’s going to happen to me or a member of my family, no matter how rare the story or what country its in. Anxiety will tell me that going out In the car will kill my family, anxiety will play these things in my head over and over until they feel real and take my breathe away. Anxiety is very helpful and will point out every single possible danger that surrounds me everyday, when one of my kids hurt themselves, anxiety will tell me that I should of listened and seen it coming. Anxiety tells me that any ache and pain in my body or illness is life threatening, then it helps me think about how my children would live without a mother and my husband without a wife. Anxiety tells me that a slightly raised temperature on my little ones couldn’t possibly just be teething or a cold. Anxiety tells me there is no life after death, there is no hope in life, there is no purpose. Even when i am doing something or get complemented on something anxiety will tell me I’m no good and that people are only saying that to be nice or to make themselves look good. Anxiety tells me that even my closest family members cant be trusted. Anxiety battles with my logic, daily and sometimes late into the night or the early morning.
Anxiety can sometimes even cause physical pain in my chest, stomach, muscles, and cause migraines. Anxiety can drain my whole body. Fighting with anxiety can be exhausting.
My logic fights back and tells anxiety this is nonesence, yes bad things happen and we can be cautious to keep ourselves safe and healthy. if i can keep my mind busy and distracted i can ignore anxiety but Anxiety usually wins in the end, however logic always keeps fighting back.
While giving birth to little s my midwife said anxiety is a third world problem and dismissed it. My GP says I’ll probably always have Anxiety and It’s just a case of managing it. I tried medication from the GP and anxiety left, but it took with it every other feeling I had too and made me sick so I weaned off the tablets and all my feeling came back as did Anxiety.
Anxiety is worse after giving birth, if I had no sence of time I would be able to tell my pregnancy is coming to an end, based on the fact that anxiety accelerates, getting ready to tell me all about what’s going to go wrong at the birth and when I bring my newborn home. Hormones clearly have an huge effect.
So many things are said to cause anxiety, environmental factors, medical factors, genetics, brain chemistry, substance abuse, or a combination of these. It is most commonly triggered by the stress in our lives.In the part of my mind where logic lives, I dream of living out in the middle of nowhere, clean air with no pollution, clean water to drink and to bathe in, growing all my own food and living totally off the grid. I do wonder if Anxiety would stand a chance out there and if it’s logics way of telling me this is what my body needs. I have found that anxiety is usually quieter when I feel good about myself, when I have less stress in my life, when I’m eating healthy, getting all my nutrients and a good nights sleep. I use herbal teas, camomile is a great relaxer, I have a tablespoon of chia seeds for my omega 3, I take vitamin supplements and have just started a weight loss challenge, everything is all natural and where possible organic too. Anxiety will stay with me at the beginning telling me I can’t do this, that I’m not good enough but learning to balance my life is what is going to shut Anxiety up for good. I look forward to sharing with you all my final days of battling with anxiety, with help from me logic will win!